Wow. Another year has passed. Can you believe its been a decade since we were stressing about Y2K? Well, the world didn’t come to an end and ten years later we have a whole new set of challenges. For some of you, one of those challenges may be your marriage relationship. As it turned out, all we had to do to weather the impending storm of Y2K was keep doing what we always did. It became evident that all our fears were largely unfounded.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it works in a marriage relationship. Business as usual doesn’t solve anything. If you want your marriage to improve you have to take some steps to facilitate change. In light of the New Year tradition of making resolutions, this month we take a look at how we can successfully resolve to change ourselves—and our marriage for the better.

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I have to admit that I have never been one to make New Years resolutions. The concept always seemed so contrived to me. Just because a new year was starting, now we were suppose to get intentional about our life. Now we would do the things that we should have been doing all year long—we promise. Perhaps this approach works with some people, and if it does, then that’s great. However, my observations have been that most New Years resolutions last about as long as the leftover Christmas cookies. And just as many intended to cut back this year on their consumption of those Christmas cookies, yet failed miserably, many good intentions and solemn New Years resolutions will also succomb to the inward and outward pull of life—the pull of comfort, of temptation, of safety, of routine, of mediocrity.

This is not an article strictly about New Years resolutions, but I do think it would be helpful to examine why most resolutions fail.

Why do so many resolutions fail?

There are a number of different reasons people don’t follow through on their resolutions, but there are a few reasons most have in common. Let’s take a brief look at these and see how they can help us keep our resolutions.

1. Take ownership
Most people agree that to successfully follow through on resolutions it should be something you want to do and not just something arbitrary or something you think you should do.

Here’s where it gets tricky for us Christ followers. Let’s face it, there are many things that the Bible instructs us to do that many times we would rather not do. But just because we don’t want to do it doesn’t mean that we shoudn’t do it. However, God knows our limitations and usually has us working on only a few things at the same time. The question is…What is God wanting to do in/through your life right now? If you don’t know then take some time with God and ask Him to reveal to you what steps He wants you to be taking to become more like Him. If your desire is to please God and become more like Him, then taking ownership shouldn’t be a problem. If your desire for God is cold right now, spend some time with Him in prayer, reading His Word, and with christians who do have a passion for Christ. Ask God to increase your desire for Him. Keep asking until your desire increases.

2. Let others know about it

3. Have a support group
People who are successful at keeping their resolutions are not afraid of putting themselves “on the line” by letting others know what their intentions are.

This is where community shines. If you’re not connected within a healthy, functional community, find one and get connected. As we are open and honest with our life struggles, ambitions, hopes, and dreams with other believers who love us and are concerned for our welfare, we can then be better equipped to “stimulate one another to love and good deeds” (Heb 10:24). It’s in this authentic community that we are challenged, encouraged, comforted and loved as we seek to become more like Christ.

4. Examine your progress
People who are successful at keeping their resolutions regularly examine their progress to determine if they are on-track to achieving their objectives.

Once again, community can be helpful here, but whether you examine your progress alone or enlist the help of your close friends, without regular progress checks you may not be aware if you are moving toward your objective, or just coasting aimlessly. It might even be helpful to establish some benchmarks to measure growth and improvement.

Now what?

So what does all this have to do with marriage? Regardless of whether you make New Years resolutions or not, healthy marriages don’t just happen. You need to be intentional about improving your marriage and deepening your love for each other. If you don’t, you’ll drift along experiencing a lackluster relationship or even drift apart as time reveals your widening gap of disconnection and emotional distance.

Why not resolve—which is to say be intentional—to make 2010 a year where you make some positive changes in your marriage relationship? Instead of wishing your spouse would change, why don’t you change yourself? You may already be aware of areas that God has been prompting you to work on. If not, ask him what you can be doing to be a more loving spouse. He’ll tell you. If you can’t hear Him say anything, ask your spouse or a good friend, they may have a few suggestions.

Finally, you may have heard that one of the best things you can do for your kids is to really love your spouse. I agree with that. Likewise, I also believe that one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to really love God and pursue Him. As we become more intimate with Jesus and learn to love the things He loves and hate the things He hates, we will naturally love our spouse more intimately too. Jesus is all about love, kindness, respect, honor, forgiveness, sacrifice, unity, grace and mercy. Jesus hates selfishness, pride, stubborness, cruelty, abuse, apathy, strife, unforgiveness, resentment—in short, He hates sin.

As we learn to love Jesus and cultivate our relationship with Him, he will point us in the right direction and guide us down the path that leads to an abundant life in Him—and an abundant life with each other.

May God bless your marriage relationship this year. May 2010 be a year that you develop a deeper more intimate relationship with Jesus—and your spouse.