The Truth About the 8 Kinds of Lies Women Believe

By Jim Burns, Ph.D.

According to Nancy Leigh DeMoss, author of the best-selling book Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free, women often fall prey to lies that can be destructive to their lives, and to their family as well. In a recent interview for HomeWord with Jim Burns, she stated that believing and acting upon lies results in a lifestyle of bondage. Real freedom and healing begins when lies are identified and dealt with. Nancy has identified eight types of lies that women believe, and then offers hope for breaking through the lies and finding healing freedom through understanding the truth about them.

1. Lies About God

Here are a couple of the lies about God that women believe:

1) Women often doubt God’s goodness when faced with difficult or painful situations. Many struggle with, “If God was good, He would (or wouldn’t)…” But these responses are often a misconception of the goodness of God.

2) Women often believe the lie that God is a lot like their father. So, if you’ve experienced an abusive or absent father, you might believe that God responds like the father you grew up with.

The truth: First, regardless of our circumstances, thoughts or feelings, God is good. (See Psalm 119:68) We may not always feel it, but our responsibility is to trust God despite our feelings! Secondly, our Heavenly Father defines the concept of fatherhood, not our earthly fathers. God is a good Father, who loves His children dearly and is worthy of our trust!

2. Lies About Themselves

Where do you get your sense of who you are? From people around you, or even from what people said about you as a child? Many women struggle with self-image. They feel they are worthless. Too often, negative words spoken in childhood by family, friends or significant adults (like “You’re so fat,” or name calling, or other barbs) become part of what women believe about themselves that they carry into adulthood.

The truth: God values and loves you. God cares enough about your soul that He gave His Son for you.

Another big lie women believe about themselves is that physical beauty matters more than inner beauty. The world places tremendous value on external body image: The physical and the sensual.

The truth: There’s nothing wrong with physical beauty, but it is fleeting. No one looks the same at 50 as they did at 20! There is something that matters more than the external: Inner beauty. Having a radiant spirit, a conscience that’s clear, a heart that’s pure, a smile that is genuine are all work that God’s Spirit is able to effect in a woman’s life. These are the things that really matter – and the areas that women should focus on primarily!

3. Lies About Sin

We believe lies about sin when we live as though we can’t break free from the sins that we continually struggle with, and when we believe that God can’t forgive us for these sins.

The truth: God’s grace is all about offering us freedom and forgiveness from our sins. This is why He gave His Son to die on the cross for us. Jesus’ resurrection from the dead ensures this truth for us. We can be forgiven for any of our sins and we can find victory over the sins that beset us. We need to reprogram our thoughts on this issue, and the renewing of our minds comes from focusing on and memorizing the Scriptures.

4. Lies About Priorities

One of the big lies that women believe is that we are so busy that there just isn’t time for everything. So we end up cutting away those things that are easiest for us to pass over and think that we’ll be okay. One example of this is believing that we can live independently from God – skipping regular time with God through studying the Scriptures and through prayer, and thinking that we’ll be okay.

The truth: Apart from a regular, vital connection with and dependence upon God, we can not be all that God designed for us to be. We may be busy living our lives and may appear successful in human terms, but in reality, our souls shrink and we end up with nothing of lasting value. We need a holy desperation for God that reflects our need for God each moment of every day!

5. Lies About Marriage

Women often believe the lie that it is their responsibility to change the faults and flaws of their husbands. This lie leads to a bondage of responsibility that God never intended for women to bear, and often results in frustration and resentment towards their husbands.

The truth: No woman can change her husband’s heart. But in cooperation with the Holy Spirit, a wife, through prayer and setting the example of living a godly life, can provide many opportunities for God to work in her husband’s life. (See 1 Peter 3:1-4)

6. Lies About Children

Satan uses two extremely opposite lies about children that women too often believe. The first is that parents have no control or influence upon how children turn out as adults and, as a result, they have no personal responsibility for raising godly kids. This leads to a hands-off approach to parenting that stunts a child’s spiritual development. The second lie is that parents are 100% responsible for how their children turn out, which can result in the bondage of inappropriate guilt and shame when kids make poor decisions as they grow into adulthood.

The truth: First, God has given parents the primary responsibility for influencing the spiritual health of their children (Deuteronomy 6:4-7). Even contemporary research indicates that parents have the most influence on their children’s spiritual development. Secondly, every person is responsible for his or her own actions, and ultimately must give an account to God for what is done. These truths serve to encourage parents to be faithful in nurturing the spiritual health of their children, while trusting that God will work even when kids rebel.

7. Lies About Emotions

Many women feel out of control emotionally. As a result, they believe that they can’t control how they respond in thought, attitude and actions towards others. This is a lie and results in bondage to our feelings.

The truth: Feelings often have very little to do with reality. We have to be willing to submit our feelings to the truth of what God says. We can, by God’s grace, make right decisions and control our tongues and responses in ways that are pleasing to God. This doesn’t mean that there won’t be struggles and that it will be easy. But going into the battle knowing that God is with you and that you don’t have to lose the battle gets you halfway to winning the war of emotions!

8. Lies About Circumstances

Many women blame their circumstances and their past for the difficulties they face. In doing so, they fall prey to the lie that if their circumstances were different, their lives would be different.

The truth: We live in a fallen, broken, messed up world. There are no perfect circumstances this side of heaven! Our lives will never be perfect here! The important thing is not our circumstances themselves, but rather how we respond to our circumstances by the power of God’s Spirit within us.

For a more thorough discussion on this topic, purchase Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ book, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free.