By Jim Burns, Ph.D.
Christians are called to stand on the side of righteousness even when it’s unpopular. When considering the pursuit of happiness in marriage, the difference between marrying a believing spouse and marrying an unbelieving spouse can make a huge difference. Here are some reminders of why staying single beats marrying an unbeliever:
An unbelieving spouse will not share the passion a believer has for following Christ. Imagine the tension this basic difference can create between spouses.
In the midst of loneliness, financial struggles, and single-parenting – marrying a ‘nice’ unbeliever can seem very appealing. The financially stable, encouraging, even adoring potential mate may seem like the answer, but in the end, marriage may produce more grief than remaining single.
An unbelieving spouse can (unintentionally or intentionally) influence a believing spouse to move away from wholehearted devotion to Christ.
The desire to lead an unbelieving spouse to faith in Christ can lead to a life full of anxiety and even guilt.
Christians base their moral values on God’s values. Most unbelievers do not. Christians use obedience to Christ as the filter through which decisions are made. Unbelievers often find this “Christian filter” illogical. This difference can lead to conflict in decision-making. Compromises for the good of the family become difficult. When values differ between a believer and an unbeliever, how do the differences become resolved?
How does a believing spouse maintain marital harmony when the unbelieving spouse makes it difficult to participate in church services, activities, and ministry?
Often, Christians have different priorities than unbelievers on spending money. For example, explaining and convincing an unbelieving spouse to “tithe” to the church is a difficult task, at best.
Christians often study the Bible and pray in their desire to discern God’s will for their lives – especially when trying to make a life-altering decision. This approach makes little sense to an unbelieving spouse.
Whose values do you instill in your children’s lives? When a believer’s values differ from the unbelieving spouse’s values, who decides which values to teach the children?
Approaches to child discipline can differ greatly between two believing spouses. The differences are likely to be greater between a believing spouse and an unbelieving spouse. How can a believing parent resolve these differences without compromising a Christian-values-based approach to parenting?
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